Getting emotions done.

When I had my darkest times, I was hunted by emotions. Infinitely many emotions and sorrows. Infinitely. Not when the sun was shining. But at night. I could not sleep. But I had to sleep. But then: So many things to do. What things? They were just playing in my head as they wanted. No chance to handle them.

At that time I was studying “Getting things done” by David Allen. I love this book. I love the idea. It's a comprehensive approach to be effective. But why couldn’t I handle my feelings, emotions, fears?

Well, one night I found out: I can. In the same way, I organize my projects. I started treating my emotions or fears or anything as — tasks! What do we do with task: We write them down. Whenever something came up my your mind, I wrote it down. Day and night. Instantly. Nothing was too small. Too irrelevant. Too un-manageable. If it came up: It’s important. No exceptions.

So I started a list. ONE list. One piece of paper. Carried it around with me. Every time. E v e r y time. no exceptions.

What’s was the list? Examples:

• Mom’s birthday present. Never know what she wants.
• Jealous about neighbor: Nicer roses in the garden.
• Someone laughed at me. I hate him.
• Someone was unrespectful. Why?
• Planing vacation: Don’t know if I want to go.
• Not enough (money,love,sex,friends,sleep)..

Nothing was unimportant when it bothered me. Nothing. That was basically the definition of “important”. I just wrote it down. Listened. I didn’t even try to solve it. It would have just stopped me from listening. But I knew I needed to listen. There was nothing to solve at that moment. Just listening. And writing.

Magic

And suddenly: Something came up a second time. Wow. I can’t describe the feeling. I just smiled. Now I knew: “You are not new. I have seen you before. Not this time. Not with me. I got you covered. ”. I added a “|” to this entry. And continued to listen.

Then magic happened. More and more emotions came a second, a third time. I added more “|” on each entry. I realized. These are NOT infinitely many things. They can be enumerated. From time to time a new thing occurred. Because now there was space. I call these things the “second-tier problems”. They use to be hidden by more “important” things. But they still bring you down, make your life heavy.

Slowly but constantly there came hope. A relief. You could breathe again. The emotions carousel had slowed down. Not stopped. It never stops. But now I can control it. I can see who is on the carousel. How many passengers.